There are mornings I am laying in bed before the alarm goes off that I just sit there, almost counting my quiet seconds. Enjoying my bliss. I consider just getting up anyway and getting a run in before the crazy begins, but don’t worry I normally talk myself out of it. After that alarm the day is nothing short of a blur. I get the kids ready, drop the, off at their respective schools work my 8 hour day, make dinner and before I know it, it’s bedtime again and I am exhausted. Being a parent no matter how you’re doing it, it’s not easy! Just like you I search for time for myself, I savor my 5 minutes alone when I can get it, it’s not easy… But it’s worth it.
Its worth it when they call your name, when they tell you their stories. Treasure those moments, write them down and enjoy them again and again. I do everything I can to have time with my babies before they get too old to want to have time with their weird mom. I’ll be posting here as often as I can so you can see our weird, and my life. What I’m doing to try and work from home, and sometimes totally randomness. Join me, laugh at me, let me follow you and let’s do this craziness together!
I grew up a pretty privileged life, my dad worked hard for us but we had it pretty easy. Growing up people always made it sound like getting everything you wanted was a bad thing. The older I get the more I realize it isn’t a bad thing at all. I remember my dad making us work for things that we wanted. I remember pulling a whole hillside of weeds for a week just so that we could get a trampoline. I remember long days of cleaning the camper just because we took out it out for a few days. My parents gave us a lot, but they also made us work for a lot too. Today I realize how valuable that is. I do get the things I want, but I work my ass for them. The last few years I slaved working 60-80 hour weeks, just to support my family so that we could barely make our ends meet while my husband worked diligently for his dream, and while I found whatever jobs I could to make our lives work, I did that. We have come so far in 3 years of marriage as a family, and I am proud of that. I am proud that because we work so hard we get exactly what we want. Even though sometimes it happens at a slower pace then we would like. We get it. Right now I am sitting in my kitchen admiring my house that Adam and I bought together, and it’s not fancy but it’s ours. While Adam puts together my website for my new online boutique (that I am so excited to get started by the way!) All I can do is sit here and be thankful for all of the wonderful things we have. I really believe that anyone can have whatever they want too, they just have to work for it. If it comes easy, then you won’t appreciate it’s value as much.
Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend, now go get whatever it is you want!
After work, tonight the world seemed a little chaotic. Between making dinner plans, entertaining a 3 year old, getting laundry done, and helping my husband fix the truck. Today seemed extra long. I decided to take a few minutes to myself and just relax. Sometimes when caught up in the world we forget to just take a big deep breathe and relax. All I could do was smile. Today’s fights and struggles are so small compared to what they used to be. I remember a year ago, struggling to even pay all of our bills every month, and now we are okay. We are not behind, by no means are we ahead, but we are okay. I know that because we went through times that were much harder we really cannot be upset at where we are.
I struggle with always looking ahead and not living here. Right now. Because today, today is what matters. While setting goals is important, we can’t live in those moments until they happen. Today, I relax, I take a deep breathe, I focus on what I have, and what I have to work for. If we can make it as far as we have in the last few years, I cannot wait to see what our future holds, but again, tonight I enjoy what I have.
Today, I look back and see how far we have come, without forgetting how hard it was to get here. I remember the pain of bar-tending until 4am in the morning and waking up at 6:30 am to take care of my daughter. I remember feeling frustrated because my husband did not have a steady income. All these things, are left in my mind. I look back now and see that they are not bad things to remember though. They are the struggles that brought our family closer, they are the memories we will reflect on and laugh about in 20 years. Those thoughts of feeling like we are going nowhere in life has been lifted, and as the fog has cleared from our line of sight, we can see again. We can dream again. We can conquer anything together.
I know that there will be more struggles as we venture through our life together, I know now, that life is not all peaches and cream. Life is labor, it is learning, it is becoming what you were always meant to be. While I brag on about my husband finding his dream job, I have yet to get there. I am a work in progress trying to find my dream, my passion, my Joie De Vivre! I am excited for this next turn with my family, and hope that anyone (if there is anyone) reading this that they can relate, and find hope in that all the struggles you find yourself in there is a light at the end of the tunnel, your tunnel just may be a little longer to get to the end, than it is for others.
I remember back in 2013 My loving husband decided it was time for him to quit his job as an HVAC guy to do something that he loved. In the past few months he had started a side business. Building websites for small business’ and optimizing their results in search engines like google. It was a stepping stone. He learned an immense amount of things. what to do, or not to do when running a business. He learned that people do not always pay like they say they will. That spring he began to get so much work that we decided it would be best for him to leave his steady paying job and make a living running his own business. Oh my goodness, talk about stress. I was working two jobs, bartending very late nights and serving pizza by day… did I mention I was trying to finish school at this point too. Oh yes and our daughter had just turned 2. Go ahead call us crazy : )
Adam ended up finding someone who said he had a great opportunity for us. Our hopes got really high, we talked about moving to Monterey, CA and changing our whole life from our small mountain town home. Adam put in a lot of hours helping this man out, and while the promises were there the checkbook was always hidden. After 2 months of working hard in hopes of a wonderful job opportunity, and a lot of empty promises we cut ties with this “business man” our funds were running low, and my patience was very thin. I can’t speak of how many tear filled, exhausted nights/conversations we had. I wanted to support my husband and his dreams, but how far do you go? That was a question I remember asking myself quite a bit. How far do you go until you give up… and we never gave up.
I am so bad at writing these blogs, I think I generally over think what I want to write, and then it takes my creative buzz away. I miss getting my creative high as often as I used to. I remember I used to have time in the world to sit down and splurge all my emotions into a few simple paragraphs that could take any person away into another world. Life seems to important for that now. LIfe seems busy. Between doing the daily chores (that almost never get done anyway) and all of the other errands, and activities we have made obligations to do how do we find time to enjoy the simpler things in life that we used to? For me it has always been this. tapping the little keys with letters on the keyboard to form a powerful word, an inspiring sentence, and an emotional story. I think as people we are so concerned with how other people view us, that we forgot to take care of vital needs. In some way people need to have time to themselves to be who they are at their core for even an hour a day, with no guilt, and no remorse. As people we should feel we can be us. With working, school, husband, and kids it seems impossible to find that happy medium of balancing my time. Sometimes I am so tired that I fall asleep in public places, while other times instead of doing the things I need to do I just lay on the couch trying to forget about everything going on. I’ve convinced myself that one day all of this work, and school will be worth it, and I really hope it pays off because if it doesn’t I will have missed out on important things in my daughter’s life at the expense of education, and self worth. I feel stretched so thin that I can barely breathe sometimes. I feel so obligated to too many things that I want to curl up in the fetal position and pretend nothing is actually happening. I want to fast forward like 5 years, and see where I am for a second just to see if I actually am able to pull it off. to accomplish everything I’ve wanted to. I just want to know.