There are mornings I am laying in bed before the alarm goes off that I just sit there, almost counting my quiet seconds. Enjoying my bliss. I consider just getting up anyway and getting a run in before the crazy begins, but don’t worry I normally talk myself out of it. After that alarm the day is nothing short of a blur. I get the kids ready, drop the, off at their respective schools work my 8 hour day, make dinner and before I know it, it’s bedtime again and I am exhausted. Being a parent no matter how you’re doing it, it’s not easy! Just like you I search for time for myself, I savor my 5 minutes alone when I can get it, it’s not easy… But it’s worth it.
Its worth it when they call your name, when they tell you their stories. Treasure those moments, write them down and enjoy them again and again. I do everything I can to have time with my babies before they get too old to want to have time with their weird mom. I’ll be posting here as often as I can so you can see our weird, and my life. What I’m doing to try and work from home, and sometimes totally randomness. Join me, laugh at me, let me follow you and let’s do this craziness together!
I am so bad at writing these blogs, I think I generally over think what I want to write, and then it takes my creative buzz away. I miss getting my creative high as often as I used to. I remember I used to have time in the world to sit down and splurge all my emotions into a few simple paragraphs that could take any person away into another world. Life seems to important for that now. LIfe seems busy. Between doing the daily chores (that almost never get done anyway) and all of the other errands, and activities we have made obligations to do how do we find time to enjoy the simpler things in life that we used to? For me it has always been this. tapping the little keys with letters on the keyboard to form a powerful word, an inspiring sentence, and an emotional story. I think as people we are so concerned with how other people view us, that we forgot to take care of vital needs. In some way people need to have time to themselves to be who they are at their core for even an hour a day, with no guilt, and no remorse. As people we should feel we can be us. With working, school, husband, and kids it seems impossible to find that happy medium of balancing my time. Sometimes I am so tired that I fall asleep in public places, while other times instead of doing the things I need to do I just lay on the couch trying to forget about everything going on. I’ve convinced myself that one day all of this work, and school will be worth it, and I really hope it pays off because if it doesn’t I will have missed out on important things in my daughter’s life at the expense of education, and self worth. I feel stretched so thin that I can barely breathe sometimes. I feel so obligated to too many things that I want to curl up in the fetal position and pretend nothing is actually happening. I want to fast forward like 5 years, and see where I am for a second just to see if I actually am able to pull it off. to accomplish everything I’ve wanted to. I just want to know.